Not So Tall Tales

You + Me/X * Y – Z …does not equal us


The reason I didn’t want to date a mathematician wasn’t because I had anything against him, but because his passion in life was math. And that was something I would never be able to understand.

It’s important to realize your boundaries with people. For instance, some are meant to be only fuck buddies, others are meant to be friend zoned, and still others are meant to be banished from your life with a goodbye text.

This mathematician was the latter. Sure I felt bad for pushing him away, but could I really date someone who loves math more than I love chocolate?

The answer to that is no.

On our first date I learned more statistics than I’d ever care to look up on Google. We made it through hour one, the whole time me wishing the guy who had walked in behind him (also on a blind date) had actually been my date.

By hour two I was starving, and though I had uttered two minutes worth of conversation, had come to the conclusion this wasn’t going to be ending on his end anytime soon. So we moved to food.

The next day he didn’t stop texting. He was basically accounting for 75% of our communication. To be honest, I let it slide because I was trying to forget my ex – my ex who I was still sleeping with.

We had a second date, and he held my hand. Turns out our mathematician was a hand stroker. Not only does he love manipulating numbers, he also loves awkwardly stroking hands (though apparently I am also a hand stroker which I found out recently – but we’ll save that for another time).

I let the hand stroking slide and he walked me home  where he kissed me. Apparently his adding skills weren’t working that well because I had given him zero signs that I’d be into that.

So we had a third date. I know what you’re thinking “why didn’t you just turn down the offer?” Honestly, I don’t know. I think I just wanted to break out of my comfort zone. So we made food and watched “How I Met Your Mother,” which was fine. However, he tried to hold my hand and when I awkwardly pretended not to notice he made this annoying whine sound and flopped it down, to which my response was “No thanks, I’m good.”

Third date, three strikes, and you’re out.

Sometimes, even when you give someone a chance there’s a reason they were in the “DO NOT DATE” column to begin with. While I enjoyed my time with the mathematician (lets be real, I enjoyed the free food and movie more than his company) I have to say I should’ve listened to my gut on this one. Some people just aren’t for you, and that’s okay – that’s how we learn who not to marry.

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