Not So Tall Tales

Return of the Hookup

I’m out with some friends on a Tuesday night having a few drinks (don’t judge me, I’m comfortable with my life decisions), when out of the blue I get a text from some guy. Like many of you, once a name and number goes into my phone, it takes me roughly three and a half years to go through and delete ones I don’t need anymore.

I’m walking through the bar when I get a text from a guy I had met and gone out with the previous year. It was so out of the blue I immediately started looking around the place thinking he had to have seen me. Why else text a random girl one year later on a Tuesday at 10:42 p.m.? Since I still had his name in my phone, I thankfully remembered who it was.

But I am very doubtful he actually remembered who I was.

Here’s all the details he got wrong:

  • Asked how my kid was doing. (I don’t have a kid.)
  • Inquired about my reception job. (I’m in PR.)
  • Checked if the apartment was still in the same spot. (Do apartment buildings move? Because that would be so weird/cool.)
  • Said he was “thinking about that night we got wasted, that was wild.” (Wild how off his memory is because we were not wasted, but lightly drunk – a step beyond buzzed really – and definitely not wasted.)

With so many details wrong, I was convinced he had me confused with some other girl he saw last year. Clearly, he was also looking to come over and hook up that night. As I said though, it was a Tuesday and at the time I had a two hour commute to work in the morning. Definitely wasn’t going to happen if just for the needing sleep reason alone, never mind the whole self-respect thing. I did, however, almost want to invite him just to see if he did show up at the right place (he indicated he remembered where I lived). It would be hilarious (for me) if he showed up at some other girl’s house. In the chance that he did have the address part right though, I didn’t want to risk it.

drunken hookup failure

He continued to text me for another few weeks, asking to come over. It was actually because of him that I bothered finding out how to use the “Do Not Disturb” feature on the iPhone (it’s amazing and I love it and use it all the time now). He preferred the 3:00 a.m. calls during weekdays – because adults with jobs are always awake on weekdays at 3:00 a.m.

I’ve since moved to reduce that two hour commute and haven’t heard from him other than one more rogue text during my final Monday at the old place. Update: Heard from him again last night (he must have known this post was coming out somehow). When I told him where I now lived, all he could come up with was “wow, that’s pretty far from here.” Yes, yes it is.

Here’s an important tip though: Don’t call a girl to hook up one year after you last communicated with her. You’re not Han Solo emerging from Carbonite and running back to Leia’s arms. Some girls will get angry, others will decide to mess with you, and in both cases you’re not going to get any.

5 thoughts on “Return of the Hookup

  1. You’d be amazed at the number of blasts from the past I’ve had since publicizing my dating antics… you’d think it would occur to them that there was a reason you stopped hooking up in the first place!

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