Tales From The Crypt

27 Shades of Weird

Fly All the Freak FlagsIn a woman’s life, there comes a time when she asks herself: “What kind of invisible freak flag am I putting out there?”

This happened for me. And I’m still trying to figure it out.

The online dating world has this seedy underbelly of weirdo-s. Not everyone online is weird – most are nice, possibly a tad awkward or shy – people who want another method of meeting potential dates. But then there are the ones who are using online dating sites to find someone to fulfill a weird, shady, awkward, terrible fantasy.

They always find me.

I start chatting with this guy online and he tells me he has a specific first date idea in mind, but that he didn’t want to message about it. Apparently, this date idea was complex and needed to be explained via phone to get all the nuances and argument on why it’s a good idea. We do the number exchange thing and he gives me a call to discuss the details of this date proposal.

I’ll start backwards with why he thought it was a good idea: “It’ll make a great first date story!”

Here’s the FIRST date idea:

He wanted to read poetry naked while I threw a pie in his face.

You read that correctly. He wanted to voluntarily be nude on the first date, read some poetry and have me throw a baked good at him. As a first date.

Even better, he explained if we met up that particular weekend to do it, we’d need to go to his parents’ house. He lived with a roommate but (luckily) his parents were out of town and the house would be empty. I declined.

This whole situation was 27 shades of weird and immediately made me question what was in my profile that would get a stranger to believe I’d be into a sexual humiliation thing. I verified with three sources there is nothing in my online profile that throws up any kind of red flag. Nothing in it that would indicate I’m some closeted, kinky freak. Yet, this is not the first time I’ve been approached with an odd, sexual request. This is probably the weirdest to date though.

I’ll just have to be aware that I throw off some kind of freak attraction and do my best to avoid having to throw a pie at a naked guy.

10 thoughts on “27 Shades of Weird

  1. Wow… weird indeed! But you’re right, the internet dating world is indeed awash with freaks and fruitcakes. Worst of all, they don’t all betray their abominable proclivities on or before the first date. Some wait – keeping their powder dry – until you are.. um.. past the point where it’s hard to.. you know… well, you get where I’m going with that, don’t you? Better to find out when the weirdness is restrained within an email!

    • This date suggestion came through a phone conversation. I got the whole argument on how it would go down and why it was a good idea. Granted, better than showing up for a date and being surprised. But I did get the whole logic behind this fetish.

  2. Haha that is pretty fun. Maybe we can all give him props for at least being honest about his weirdness from the get-go instead of acting normal on 1 or 2 dates and wasting your time.

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