Rules for Flirting


You would think that a natural part of dating is flirting. Turns out, not all guys know this.

First dates (which are inherently awkward and somewhat uncomfortable, especially online/blind dates) aside, there’s a reasonable expectation that your date will find subtle ways to flirt. Wikipedia has a fantastic outline of flirting, in case you’re looking for a definition from a frequently contested source. Flirting, which was once referred to as “coquetry,” helps you figure out if your date is actually digging your vibe.

Personally, I like my flirting to come in the form of playful banter and double-entendre (which neither of us will call out, but we’ll both know what’s going on there). I love talking, so I want my flirting to come from how a guy talks to me. Tease me when I say silly things, question me, and challenge me. Put up some kind of playful fight.

If a date doesn’t flirt, a girl is left with a feeling of “meh” and no clue if the guy was actually interested in her. There can’t be a second date unless both parties leave with that sparkle of “I think he/she likes me!”

Here are some basic rules for flirting:

  1. Brush up on banter – Get ready for some verbal one-on-one. Question, challenge, tease. Here’s a video that’s way too long demonstrating the kind of banter I mean. Watch the first 10 seconds and you’ll get it.
  2. Make eye contact – You have to actually look at your date. Don’t get all creepy and maintain eye contact for lengthy periods (avoid the Overly Attached Girlfriend stare). Just look at the person when they’re talking to you and enjoy a brief eye lock before looking away. A slight smile helps keep things light here.
  3. Be aware of your vocals – Keep your tone light and playful. One trick is to smile when you’re talking. It sounds awkward, but the concept actually works. If you’re thinking about smiling when you speak, your tone reflects that.
  4. Get close – You need to actually be close to your date. It’s not necessary to be on each other’s lap (and is actually highly recommended you avoid that on the first couple dates), but it is important that you’re close enough to a) hear each other and b) actually touch each other. Now that your mind is out of the gutter, I’m talking about brushing hands every so often, or casually bumping shoulders when you tease each other.
  5. Smile and laugh – Basically, be a human. Laugh at jokes, smile like you mean it, and have a good time.

If you need a solid demonstration, check out Pepe the King Prawn (yup, the Muppet) flirting with Good Morning America’s Lara Spencer.

9 thoughts on “Rules for Flirting

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