Tales From The Crypt

Awkward Messages


As anyone who partakes in the online dating lifestyle could tell you, messages from potential suitors can be all over the place. Some are funny, some are overtly sexual, and some are just… awkward.

It’s the awkward ones that are the hardest to react to. Even if you know you’re not going to actually hit “reply” for it, it’s nearly impossible to know how you should take these messages. Every time I get one of these awkward messages, I just feel really creeped out. Almost like it makes my skin crawl, these messages just make me feel… weird.

For example:

Hello beatyfull how are u doing beauty smile

No part of that is a sentence. Or spelled correctly. It doesn’t even have punctuation!

Not gonna lie, I found you a little intimidating. You’re a handsome young woman and obviously you’ve accomplished a lot in your short life. But there’s also something accessible and human that comes through. And if you t\think, its me…..ping me….

It’s definitely best not to tell a girl she’s “intimidating.” And “handsome young woman” is also not a good phrase to use. I think you’re going for a compliment here, but instead I’m just raising my eyebrows and trying to decide if I’m offended.

Boo! :)
I apologize in advance for this, but here goes. My name is [NAME], I am a submissive but not looking for a relationship. What I am primarily looking for is a new friend, honestly and truly… But furthermore, I would ideally like to meet a new friend who might like the idea of having some degree of control over me. Who likes the idea of giving orders and having them followed, within reason of course…
I want to stress this, I’m not looking for anything sexual or relationshippy here…
Worst intro ever, I’m aware of this…

I mean, what? What? WHAT? This guy wants a submissive “friendship?” I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean. At least in this one everything is spelled correctly and I’m not being mildly insulted.

It’s amazing what guys think is appropriate message fodder. It leads me to wonder if they guy bothered thinking at all before writing any of the message out. And in regards to the last guy looking for a “submissive friendship,” what about my profile lead him to think I’d be into that? Just… ewww.

Typically I just ignore them because there are too many things I could possibly say and I can’t decide which would be best. Anyone have some good advice on how to respond to these types of messages?

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