Bizarre Holidays and Such / Un-Advice

Kiss and Make Up Day

Poster_-_Kiss_and_Make-Up_02

At one point or another, every couple has an argument that spurs into a fight that leads to one or both parties feeling angry. But today is “Kiss and Make Up Day.”

“Today celebrates the fact that kissing and making up is the best part of an argument (especially where lovers are concerned), and sometimes even makes the fight worthwhile. Annoying habits and irritability aside, it’s good to have the people you love around you. So remember not to take loved ones for granted and appreciate the good stuff in your relationship. Top it all off with a big smooch and you’ve fully embraces the spirit of the day.”

The basic concept behind today is to get through whatever argument or fight you might be in with your lover and move forward in your relationship. I’ve heard many theories that some couples argue just for the sake of arguing and getting to the making up part. Personally, I think that’s crap. Who wants to argue to the point of needing to repair or reconcile a relationship? You want to kiss and feel close to someone, just go ahead and do that.

I’m all for appreciating the people in your life and making sure you do take the time to work through differences and put petty disagreements aside. But the holiday also begs the question when is it time to stop the kissing and making up and walk away?

In every relationship, not just romantic ones, there is a healthy level of disagreement and arguments. You need some kind of friction to keep things interesting and it’s always important to have your own opinions. But there is a tipping point where healthy debates become arduous arguments that significantly hurt the relationship. And that’s when it’s time to look at when you should NOT kiss and make up and walk away instead.

Here are five things to ask yourself when deciding if you should kiss and make up or start thinking about what’s going to be best for you:

  1. Is this argument deja vu? If you keep having the same argument but never actually get to the point of resolution, that indicates previous attempts to “kiss and make up” were actually a cease fire rather than a true make up.
  2. Do you see yourself making a concession? If you can’t picture yourself ever making a concession or finding a middle-ground compromise, placating yourself with a kiss and make up movement isn’t going to last for long.
  3. Will your partner be able to compromise? Much like looking at yourself to see if you’d be willing to bend, you probably know your partner enough to tell if they’d also be able to concede.
  4. How big is the argument? If it’s something petty like putting the toilet seat down, or who left a dish in the sink, kissing and making up is the more reasonable option. Those types of arguments aren’t a value-add to your life and should be put aside as soon as possible. Something major like having or raising children, differences in religious beliefs and tolerances, or moving to different geographic locations need to come to a real resolution. The big stuff counts, take the time to work through the issue.
  5. Are you happy? A million little arguments can sometimes indicate other issues that haven’t bubbled to the surface yet. Ask yourself if you’re happy and think honestly about your response. Settling is never a good option – it’s better to take the steps to ensure happiness for yourself.

Some arguments are too big to be solved with  kiss. Making up isn’t always easy and it may not be the best option for your situation. Know what you need and decide if something is salvageable before attempting to just put it aside. Forgiving isn’t always forgetting.

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