Every girl does it at some point. They draft a text they want to send to a guy and then spend the next four hours analyzing it to make sure it’s absolutely perfect in every way, doesn’t have any un-intended subtext (while still having all the right intended subtext), and ensures that a response will be immediate and exactly what she wants in return. Maybe she even sends it to a friend first for some extra feedback and editing.
Recently, How to with Courtney shared a link to some “advice” that Seventeen magazine is giving to teen girls. Focusing on flirty messages to send to your crush, these texting examples are supposed to give girls ideas on what they should send to the guy they like to “start the conversation with your crush.” What I found was appalling.
From crazy to stalker, these messages are not something any girl at any age should send to a guy. For each text, there’s a short explanation of what the text is supposed to accomplish. The only problem is that the reality is so far from the expectation it actually frightens me.
Here, the expected subtext is casually asking a guy out. What the subtext really says is “Go out with me or I may hurt you.” This message is weird. I’m on board with showing off a “silly side,” but silly sides should typically NOT include bear trap references.
This one may be in a more grey-area, but it’s still not quite right. The rationale behind the text makes sense – giving him something to talk about the next time you see each other. That makes sense and I support it. However, the “wish you were here” sentiment while at a concert shows that you aren’t good at being independent and enjoy a night out with your friends. Send a text AFTER the concert if you must – saying “I just saw [insert band name]! Are you into them too?” Still lets you connect with your crush about music interests, but doesn’t make you seem weird and needy while out and about doing things you like.
In the entire group of messages, there was only one that I can support (and trust me, one out of fourteen is not good odds here).
Sometimes guys suck at making the first move after getting a number. We can’t change male behavior unfortunately. If you want to make the first move, this is actually really appropriate. Gives him a reminder of who you are, where you met, and something you talked about. That way if he was a little fuzzy, he’s got enough clues to piece it all together and remember who you are.
While every girl may obsess over what to send the guy they like, it’s best not to over-think it. Of course, this is assuming you have common sense and aren’t a stalker. It’s nice that Seventeen wanted to give some suggestions, but no matter what age the guy is the proposed messages are sure to creep him out. Just be your regular, normal self.
Personally, I keep to the “if you have nothing to say of interest, don’t bother sending a text” rule. (Full-disclosure, that may just be something I made up, but it tends to work well). It’s kind of like the advice from Bambi of saying nothing if you have nothing nice to say. Except this just ensures you don’t come across as crazy and/or weird.