A long time ago, before Pinterest, I (and everyone on my freshman dorm floor) would plan my wedding in the privacy of a Word doc and a LOT of saved links. I would dream up the perfect dress, the perfect floral arrangement, and of course – the perfect groom.

Some days he was tall, dark, and handsome. Other days he was – well, actually, he was always tall, dark, and handsome.

Now our thoughts for our dream weddings and our grooms are scattered across the Internet like a trail of dirty socks on laundry day. So much so that our future husbands can create the perfect day for us with a quick glance of our boards. We put our random amounts of previously engaged times to sorting through mass amounts of wedding junk and most of us – who are committed to our Pinterest wedding – aren’t even in a relationship.

Oh shit, did I just let the cat out of the bag?

Nah, I’m just kidding we all knew that was coming.

Bear with me on this because I’m about to slap you with the hard fact stick. We’re putting time and energy into planning something that isn’t even set to happen in the near future. We’re romanticizing the perfect proposal, followed by the perfect day, with the perfect guy. And ladies, Ryan Gosling can’t propose to all of us.

Rather than focus our energy into someone who doesn’t exists why don’t we start trying to find someone who does? I know, crazy concept.

But, if we stop putting our hopes into a magical day with a perfectly fake man – maybe we might find something real. And that’s what this is about any way – right? We want to find someone to grow old with, someone who will embrace our strange quirks, and want to have a giant Nerf gun war on our wedding day. That’s the end goal of all of this.

So next time you’re sitting there, pinning another photo of some gorgeous man in a chic tux – stop. Remind yourself you need to date a guy before the wedding and that Aunties Courtney and Amanda won’t listen to your “why am I still single” cries if you keep pinning (pun intended) your hopes on a man who doesn’t exist.

And that, my ladies is why you can’t pin a boyfriend. But by all means, please keep pinning photos of Ryan Gosling – there can not be enough of that man in the world.