Contributed / Sage Advice

Booty Texting

Guest Post: Judy McD


booty text 2
If you are or have ever been single and have a cell phone, then you’ve probably received a “booty-text.”

In my experience, the booty-text starts out with something super casual like “hey, what’s up?” Don’t play games with me. It’s 2:00 a.m. and you know exactly what’s up. I’m either sleeping or about to be sleeping.

IF I’m awake and not already disgusted with the sender, I might reply. Doubtful, but possible, depending on the amount of alcohol I’ve consumed and what day of the week it is when I see the text. I always hate myself later if I do respond though. Once a response is sent, things change. The conversation rapidly declines to some lewd reference to “coming over” to “hang out.” Extra points for terrible grammar.

What is this trend? The first time you get a booty-text from someone that you were interested in is SOOO disappointing. Well, it’s exciting for about half a second because it confirms he/she is at least a little bit attracted to you. Go ahead and pat yourself on the back really quickly. I’ll wait.

That’s when you realize you’re attractive (woohoo?) but this person doesn’t actually want to date you. Bittersweet, right? Not only that, they waited until they were done having fun with people they actually DO want to spend time with, to put in a fraction of a fraction of effort to send you a TEXT.

To be clear, if we met at a bar and chatted for 20 minutes, I don’t expect to get married tomorrow. I do expect to maybe learn your last name before you try to get in my pants by way of text message. I know asking for an actual phone call is asking too much in 2014, but can I get a text with a little bit of notice and an option to meet up for a drink once or twice before you go the booty-text route?

Ladies, I beg of you; please do not respond to the awkward booty-text. If you just met and/or recently exchanged numbers, make them put in the tiniest bit of effort. Better yet, make them treat you like a human being! *A human being with a few morals and a handful of self respect. You are better than that! THEY are better than that! Okay, maybe not. But they should be better than that.

I’m not asking for much. I’m 29 years old and single. In today’s society, I might as well have the plague. I blame technology. For some reason, it’s nearly impossible to meet someone in a real life setting and have an actual conversation that doesn’t involve technology. We’re expected to be online dating with profiles on 5+ dating sites. Dating shouldn’t have to be a full time job that involves sitting in front of a computer without real human interaction for several hours at a time. I fully support online dating as an option, but it shouldn’t be the only option.

I get the feeling that nobody wants to meet someone in a real world setting that they would consider legitimately dating. If we met at a party or a bar, then I’m fair game for the immediate booty-text… BUT, if we met online and some computer program said that we’re likely to be compatible, then we’re obviously looking for something more serious, right?

I’m not worried about being single. It bothers other people a whole lot more than it bothers me, but I wouldn’t mind a decent date here or there.

booty textCan we all agree to stop booty-texting people who are essentially strangers? One night stands have that whole sleeping with a stranger area covered. Let’s not create more gray-areas in dating. We have enough of those as is. Let’s agree to stick to the basics: one night stands, friends with benefits, dating, monogamous dating, marriage, etc. Booty-texting with near strangers falls somewhere between one night stands and friends with benefits on the dating scale. Pick one and go with it, that way everyone is clear on the intention from the beginning. Problem solved.

Judy is a single, late-20’s career-woman, dancer/choreographer, artist, blogger and Bostonian. She finds herself in unfortunate, disastrous situations more than your average person and has no choice but to find the (admittedly dry/sarcastic) humor in it all. You can find her blogging about her “McDisasters” at and follow her on Twitter/Instagram @judyleemcd.


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